A crush...

When i was 14 I met my best friend cousin, Carlos. He was 18 and was visiting Yuriria for the first time in 5 years since he had moved to California. He was tall, skinny with a little mustache under his nose, dark skin, sad big eyes, little pointy nose. I thought he was cute.

We met and we talked about music, some politics, i didn't know much about politics back then i was only 14, too worried about how to coordinate my clothes to my hair style. We got along, and i started to have a little crush for him. He was always nice and polite to me, always filling me with compliments, or what felt like compliments anyway. He would say things like "your hair looks very nice today", or "how lucky am I for running into you!" when we would meet for ice cream, with his cousin. I loved it, it made fantasize about him all day long and think about him during class.

Then one day his cousin, my best friend Teresa, told me that he had a girlfriend. A girl from the High school (prepa) that had been friends with him since they were little. She was so pretty with her white skin and blonde hair, and so nice too. I hated her and i wanted to die. I cried a whole night and skipped school because i didn't sleep from thinking about it. It was the first time a boy had broken my heart, and to me it felt as the end of the world.

I got over it, we became friends and he wrote me a couple of letters. He got married to his blonde goddess and they had kids. I was upset about it, but eventually moved one. 4 years later I wrote him a letter, to his old address. I never expected to hear back from him, but i did. Carlos wrote back, he told me all about his band and how they were hoping to get a record deal, but they were still working on it. Later he called me, and we did that for a couple of months.

WE talked about Mexico, and how much we missed it. Then he told me about how unhappy married life was for him, and how his wife was not doing so good living in california. Somehow i ended up telling him about how he had broken my heart. "I didn't mean to, but you were so young and you were about to move to PA. I didn't want you to have to deal with a long distance relationship and moving to a new country". I believed him, i was soo desperate for attention that i believed him.

We exchanged a couple of phone calls and a bunch of letters. Until he called me very drunk one night and told me that he was going to leave her wife and kids and he was going to come looking for me. He told me about his failed marriage and how he wanted to get a divorce. Fear and surprise run through my body, i liked him when i was 14, but at 18 i had already moved on and i was a very different person. The last i heard from him was when he sent me a chrismas card later that year. I never wrote back or returned his calls again.

It's been four years and last night I dreamed about him. In my dream he is just like i remember him, charming and polite. He tells me that he got a divorse from his wife and wants to start over again. I get a little freaked out, remembering that I am now a married woman. In my dream he acts completely crazy at the end and walks away crying.

Now i wonder how he is doing.

Lui