MMM y que mas?

Did you ever started a conversation with somebody, and things were going great, then you get to that point where you are al like...... ok and you have nothing else to say. The person is still standing right there and looking at you, but there is nothing else you would like to tell this person, and you ask ... y que mas? I love that !

Anyway, my life seems to be happening right now and i keep waiting for it.

Alberto called yesterday, i wonder what is going on with him. I wanted to talk to him but things just get too weird with him sometimes.

Como J y yo estamos de maravilla mi talento de escritora ya no existe. Lo siento.....

Me lleva la...

We are down for one fight in one week. I would say we are doing great, he would say we are taking it slow and trying to work things out.

Couple of weeks ago i decided to move back to Mexico if things don't work out better for me by June. I need a break after J's episode of " I need some space, I need to figure out things" my heart can not take much of this neither can my body.

I went to his place on sunday, i almost had to beg him to let me come, he wants me to spend the night or nothing. Which seems that will most likely end up being nothing and i can't stand that. We only had one major fight, the days that have gone by seem to be going good. I don't know what to think anymore.

improving or getting worse?

I have only checked my personal e-mail 3 times today. Bad, but still an improvement from 25 times in 5 hours.
I sent him an e-mail 6 days ago, i know he is not supposed to answer it, but he used to. He also used to send me all kinds of things bia e-mail.

Since we started this whole "I need space/ a break" thing I drive myself crazy everyday thinking.

How many times have I talked about his already. I think that this is what is making me sick, spending days and nights wondering what is wrong with me, or with the relationship and trying to find books that will tell me how to fix it, and even doing that everyday, at work, in my break, at work again he still tells me that i'm not trying hard enough, that this is not working.

I'm going crazy that is for sure.

Ricardo Arjona

Did i ever mention that I am in Love with Ricardo Arjona ? His music is soo amazing and his lyrics have taught me so much about love, life and politics.

His voice is sooo soothing and sweet, and unlike other artist he is very very smart and his music has quality.

Me voy

Ya me canse de tantas cosas. No es tan facil vivir esperando su llamada, y despues de eso no es tan facil poder hablar con el.

Cuando lo veo todo parece estar bien, el se ve feliz y satisfecho pero cuando estamos en el telefono suena tan distante. La mala costumbre que nos establecimos nos ha creado mas problemas de lo que podemos lidiar.

El me ha dicho cosas que yo no sabia y si las sabia no queria verlas. Cuando el me dice que no tiene mas que darme y que se ha cansado de mis boberias yo no se que decir o hacer. Me acostrumbro a siempre estar ahi conmigo y ahora me deja cuando mas quiero su apoyo y su cariño, cuando lo que quiero es que el este conmigo y me diga que me quiere.

Maybe I am asking too much, and I don't know what to do anymore. My parents don't want to understand, they claim that culture doesn't allow them to accept him as a member of the family and will not allow me to stay the night with him.
He claims to need that acceptance that they refuse to give him and he will not marry me unless he has that.

Yo solo quiero saber, cuando es que alguien me va a preguntar a mi que es lo que yo quiero.

Anoche cuando estaba pensando en que es lo que va a pasar con nosotros, pense que si me voy a mexico tal vez pueda sobrevivir este breakup. Me duele tanto tener que dejarlo, y renunciar a todo, pero no se que mas puedo hacer. Ya estoy cansada y no hay mas energia en mi para continuar en este juego.

Cada dia me digo a mi misma que un dia el se va a dar cuenta de que no puede estar sin mi, pero me doy cuenta de que si puede y de que todo parece marchar mejor si no estoy yo en su vida.

Tambien sueño en que el vendra a mi trabajo y me sorprendera con flores y me dira que todo va a estar bien, que nos casaremos, que todo lo que ha pasado no ha sido mas que practica y un examen para saber que si somos fuertes para sobrevivir los obstaculos que nos han puesto, pero es mas duro despertarse de ese sueño cada dia y saber que eso no va a pasar y talvez nunca pasara. Pensar que tal vez en unos dias, semanas o meses ya no estaremos juntos.